When I started this blog, I promised myself that I wouldn’t have any rules. My past attempts at blogging have resulted in a lot of failed projects; mostly because I always forced myself to follow a theme. For the first few weeks it would be great! I’d be all excited and prolific and have a million things to share…and then I’d get bored…or busy…or run out of things to say…and my blog would linger in the virtual world and slowly drown in spam comments.

It’s just not in my nature to stay on point for long. Eric will gladly complain talk about how often I jump from one interest to another. One time, I saw a PBS documentary about the “Great Pacific Garbage Patch”. This lead to an entire weekend of reading, watching, and googling everything I could on the topic. ... Read More »]]>

When I started this blog, I promised myself that I wouldn’t have any rules. My past attempts at blogging have resulted in a lot of failed projects; mostly because I always forced myself to follow a theme. For the first few weeks it would be great! I’d be all excited and prolific and have a million things to share…and then I’d get bored…or busy…or run out of things to say…and my blog would linger in the virtual world and slowly drown in spam comments.

It’s just not in my nature to stay on point for long. Eric will gladly complain talk about how often I jump from one interest to another. One time, I saw a PBS documentary about the “Great Pacific Garbage Patch”. This lead to an entire weekend of reading, watching, and googling everything I could on the topic. I was going to do something about it. Join a group. Or at least make a donation. But within a few weeks, I had completely abandoned it and moved on to some other thing. This jumpy restlessness is just in my nature and accepting it is 100 times easier than trying to change it.

I guess this is all a big fat rationalization for not having posted here in over two months.

But here’s the other reason:

Meet Roo! A.k.a the little tiny person growing in my ever expanding pregnant belly! (The nickname followed the first ultrasound when we discovered a very kangaroo-like baby hopping around in my belly).

Oh yeah, and we are also about to move cross-country in approximately 18 days.

You could say I’ve been a little preoccupied.

Let’s catch up.

Here’s a bullet list accompanied by select photos of the last few months in my life.

1. During the first trimester of pregnancy, Saltines and Ginger Ale became my best friends…also, the sofa and sleeping.
2. I quickly discovered that fruit and Mexican food were practically the only foods I could eat without getting sick.
3. My friend Lara visited and we escaped the city to explore some small towns.
   
   
4. We also went to the zoo.
   
   
5. Eric and I “met” Roo for the first time on March 8th, but got a much clearer picture on April 5th (s/he actually looks like a person, with a face and everything!).
6. We celebrated Easter appropriately with baseball and naps.
   
7. My belly went from sort of flat (ish) to undeniably pregnant.
   
8. I started to feel Roo kicking and punching my gut (and apparently dancing on my bladder) which is one of the most bizarre and magical sensations in the whole world.
9. We decided to move back to Minnesota.
10. We rented a HOUSE (!) in Minnesota – complete with fenced BACKYARD for Bruno and a basement with LAUNDRY (!)
    
11. We went to our first ever Rodeo.
    
12. Eric and I celebrated our 1st anniversary with a leisurely trip to the New York Botanical Gardens (one of our MOST favorite places in NYC) and a weekend trip up to Howe Caverns (a natural cave system with tours) as well as an informative talk about the life and death of stars and the American Museum of Natural History (our other MOST favorite place in the city).
    
    
    
13. We saw some rad hand painted signs for another cave up the road.
    
14. I became OBSESSED with gardening (since I will get to have a real one in MN).
    
    
    
15. Bruno and I have been making as many trips to Fort Tryon Park that we can before we leave.
    
16. Finnegan came over and played in the toy box…and also got a bit mischievous…
    

The next couple weeks will be filled with friends, family, sightseeing and last minute “To Do” lists before the 20 hour drive from here to Minnesota. If I disappear again, I’ll catch you up later.

I ventured out for the first time in weeks today, to meet a friend for lunch. I can count the number of times I’ve left the house in the last month on one hand. So it goes as a work-at-home freelancer. Leaving my neighborhood has become quite the adventure.

Boarding the downtown 2 train, though, I was quickly reminded why I’ve grown to hate the subway.

As I stepped through the doors, I caught a whiff of old urine, wet dog and alcohol. The scent came from a couple boarding just behind me. The pock-faced, greasy-haired woman had the look of someone who has been on too many drugs for too long. You get to know that look pretty well living here. Like the air has been sucked right out of a person. Her boyfriend had the same sickly look and was ... Read More »]]>

I ventured out for the first time in weeks today, to meet a friend for lunch. I can count the number of times I’ve left the house in the last month on one hand. So it goes as a work-at-home freelancer. Leaving my neighborhood has become quite the adventure.

Boarding the downtown 2 train, though, I was quickly reminded why I’ve grown to hate the subway.

As I stepped through the doors, I caught a whiff of old urine, wet dog and alcohol. The scent came from a couple boarding just behind me. The pock-faced, greasy-haired woman had the look of someone who has been on too many drugs for too long. You get to know that look pretty well living here. Like the air has been sucked right out of a person. Her boyfriend had the same sickly look and was on crutches with a cast on his right leg. A child had scribbled “I Love You Daddy!” in blue marker inside a lop-sided red heart. The woman yelled over and again at him to take the last empty seat on the train. Right next to me. He finally submitted. Oh, lucky day.

The woman’s slurring words and inability to remain standing (she quickly gave in and kneeled in front of her boyfriend, leaning on his broken leg for support) implied that her McDonalds’ soda cup contained something closer to Vodka than Sprite. I suspect the boyfriend’s Coke can contained a similar poison. His speech just as broken, his eyes just as tired.

This woman was, to be kind, chatty. Her too-loud, slurred words fell from her mouth at breakneck speed. The boyfriend’s attempts to quiet her were met with aggressive shushes and “Shut Up!”s. He submitted each time, trying his best to keep his eyes open, which, of course, was met with “You’re not listening!”.

I spent the rest of the ride – from 96th street all the way down to Chambers – trying to ignore this couple’s drunken dance. But they made that nearly impossible. She babbled on an on – commanding the attention of the entire train car. Mostly unintelligible, after a few stops, it became clear she was trying to convince somebody that she was a good mother.

She brought cupcakes with brightly colored frosting to the school. She threw a birthday party. She picked up the kids from daycare. So what if she was an hour late?

All this while her boyfriend tried to sneak a word in here and there, each time being told to sit down and shut up. After a while, he tried a different approach and began slowly sliding his hand down her pants.

Seriously? Is this really happening? I caught the eye of the woman sitting across from me and we both glared at each other in horror.

But she was blind to her boyfriend’s advances and continued her argument. She was a good mother. A decent mother. They just didn’t understand.

And I couldn’t help thinking, “Here you are, in the middle of the afternoon, stumbling intoxicated on a New York City subway, unable to even stand up, oblivious to your boyfriend’s hand creeping down your pants, playing out your life’s drama in front of this entire train car, trying desperately to convince just one person that you are a good mother”.

I wanted so much to rescue their children.

I never ever EVER want to be one of those judgmental moms. The ones who think they are the only people in the world who know how to properly raise children. But I have to draw the line somewhere.

It hurts my heart to think of how many children are raised in such chaotic homes. With parents like this.

So there was that.

And then, on my way home, two loud, rambunctious men boarded the train rapping to the tunes of their ring tones. After hitting on every woman in the train car, they plopped themselves right next to me. How much luckier could my day get?

I buried my nose in a book, the New Yorker’s way of saying “Don’t you dare even try to talk to me.” It was pointless. Before long they were asking what kind of cats I had. Really? What kind of cats?

I buried my nose deeper and eventually they shifted their interest to a woman to my right with a young boy. He was maybe a year old. These men then proceeded to have the most inappropriate conversation with a toddler that I have ever witnessed.

One of them had an infant daughter and pulled out his phone to show her off. They then spent the next 5 minutes showing the photo to the (one-year-old!) boy and telling him that someday she would be his “Baby Mama”. No joke. “Just wait and you’ll see” they kept saying to this child, “someday she’ll be your Baby Mama. You’ll see.”

Seriously?

And you wonder why I don’t want to raise children in this city.

I told Eric that we should really make a sign for our future stroller that says “Don’t you dare talk to me or I will spit up all over you”. Maybe that will keep the crazies at bay. Then again, probably not.

This week’s IF topic is “Fluid” – here’s a quick little whale floating down a river – I think he got lost.

In an effort to improve user experience, I’ve made some changes to the Kinderling website. This is an overview of what’s changed and why.

I cleaned up the design of the site to make the products shine. This will also help with loading time.

Instead of browsing by style, I’ve found that people are either interested in purchasing single silhouettes, or double silhouettes. So, I’ve modified the main navigation to make it easier to find what you are looking for.

Tired of clicking through page after page of products? Well, fret no more! Now you navigate by series (designs with the same patterns but different color options) – and the entire list of series fits on one page!

My favorite piece of the upgrade is the brand new color picker. Once you choose a Series, you can click through ... Read More »]]>

In an effort to improve user experience, I’ve made some changes to the Kinderling website. This is an overview of what’s changed and why.

Cleaner Look:

I cleaned up the design of the site to make the products shine. This will also help with loading time.

Navigation:

Instead of browsing by style, I’ve found that people are either interested in purchasing single silhouettes, or double silhouettes. So, I’ve modified the main navigation to make it easier to find what you are looking for.

Fewer Products:

Tired of clicking through page after page of products? Well, fret no more! Now you navigate by series (designs with the same patterns but different color options) – and the entire list of series fits on one page!

And the Kicker:

My favorite piece of the upgrade is the brand new color picker. Once you choose a Series, you can click through all available color combinations right on that page! Talk about user friendly.

This is just the beginning to site improvements, but I hope these will make your Kinderling experience more enjoyable!

If you have any questions or suggestions for future improvements, feel free to contact me!

Just a quick little sketch for IF. The word was “Forward”. I know this piece isn’t very original, but I wanted to at least get something down.

I will soon be offering hand drawn digital family portraits over at Kinderling. Here is a preview (yep – that’s my family)

I am working on a new line of hand-drawn digital custom portraits to add to Kinderling. Here is a sneak peek. Please let me know what you think in the comments! I would love to hear your thoughts.

Over the last year, Eric and I have become close friends with 3 sets of neighbors in our building. This is a major benefit of living in a large apartment building. It makes our social life a whole lot easier. We spend a lot of time with each other playing cards, watching our favorite shows (it helps that we have the same favorite shows), painting pottery, walking the dogs, or generally hanging out in our pajamas. Sometimes it feels like we live in an episode of Friends. Except there’s way less drama. And I love it.

Each week, the girls (3-5 of us) get together in one of our apartments, make tacos and unwind with a glass or two of sparkling wine for what we’ve coined “Girl’s Night” (super creative, I know). It’s a nice break from the week and a ... Read More »]]>

Over the last year, Eric and I have become close friends with 3 sets of neighbors in our building. This is a major benefit of living in a large apartment building. It makes our social life a whole lot easier. We spend a lot of time with each other playing cards, watching our favorite shows (it helps that we have the same favorite shows), painting pottery, walking the dogs, or generally hanging out in our pajamas. Sometimes it feels like we live in an episode of Friends. Except there’s way less drama. And I love it.

Each week, the girls (3-5 of us) get together in one of our apartments, make tacos and unwind with a glass or two of sparkling wine for what we’ve coined “Girl’s Night” (super creative, I know). It’s a nice break from the week and a great way to catch up on our lives without the boys around. It’s also our only opportunity to catch up on tv that the boys have no interest in watching (like America’s Next Top Model or So You Think You Can Dance, haha).

Well, the last few months we’ve been on a bit of a self improvement kick. Once a month, we’ve been setting 4-5 goals for ourselves to accomplish over the month. These have been as small as “Make stockings for Christmas” and as large as “Work on Marriage”.

Generally our collective success rate each month has been a pitiful 25-50%. I think there are two major reasons for this. 1) I, personally, have failed to write any of my goals down. And those who do, write them down and put them in a drawer. So by the end of the month we have completely forgotten what our goals were in the first place. And 2) We have a whole month. I can put a lot of things off for a whole month.

To solve number 2, we’ve decided to briefly check in with each other each week. If nothing else, this extra level of accountability will keep our goals fresh in our minds.

And for number 1, I decided to share my goals here. Each month, I’ll give a brief update on my success before posting the next month’s goals.

To kick it off, here are my February goals (in no particular order).

Goal 1: Create one illustration for my children’s book

Over the summer I wrote a picture book with the intention of illustrating and publishing it. It’s not done by any means and is currently in a very rough state. However, I’ve had this one scene swimming around in my head since the very beginning and I just want to get started on the illustrations. I’ll worry about editing later. So, that’s my first goal. Get this scene down at least roughly.

Goal 2: Go on at least one date with Eric (outside of the house and Valentine’s day does not count)

This pretty much speaks for itself. Get out with husband more. Spend less time lounging in front of the television.

Goal 3: Call an old friend

There are a few people I’ve been really bad at staying in touch with. People I care about and want to keep in my life. And I suck at the phone. I really hate it, actually. But I also know that living at least 1000 miles away from some of my closest friends means that phone calls are a necessary part of maintaining those relationships. So I’d like to call at least one old friend and catch up.

Goal 4: Create at least one collection of images

This goal relates to my decision to pursue Art Licensing. I’ll talk about this in more detail at another time, but for now I just need to get started building my portfolio.

Goal 5: Create a sub-site for Kinderling Pets

I have been putting this off for way too long. Kinderling Pets needs to be it’s own separate thing. The Kinderling site is very kid focused right now and I think it might be discouraging pet owners from purchasing portraits of their furry friends. So I need to get a separate site up for those pet lovers.

That’s all for now. I’ll let you know how I did next month!

In the mean time, what are your biggest challenges when it comes to setting goals for yourself?

Back in this post, I discussed a college writing exercise that helped me see my 5-year future in a way that was less about accomplishing specific career goals and more about deciding what type of life I wanted. I’m lucky enough to be living the life I wrote down and it’s time to do it again. The next 5 years hold new adventures and new desires. I can almost taste them.

Before I share my letter, though, I wanted to preface it with this:

One of the things I’ve been working on is accepting myself for who I am and trying not to live under anyone else’s expectations about what I should be doing with my life (even if those are my own made up expectations). What ... Read More »]]>

Back in this post, I discussed a college writing exercise that helped me see my 5-year future in a way that was less about accomplishing specific career goals and more about deciding what type of life I wanted. I’m lucky enough to be living the life I wrote down and it’s time to do it again. The next 5 years hold new adventures and new desires. I can almost taste them.

Before I share my letter, though, I wanted to preface it with this:

One of the things I’ve been working on is accepting myself for who I am and trying not to live under anyone else’s expectations about what I should be doing with my life (even if those are my own made up expectations). What I’ve come to realize is that instead of being a “career woman” in the traditional sense, my biggest desire is to raise a family.

While I’ve always wanted children, I’ve also always assumed I’d be working full-time as well. This is what I knew. It was my only perspective growing up. It took a lot of soul searching to see that I don’t want my children to miss their parents as much as I missed my own. I’d rather scar them in some other emotionally devastating way.

But at the same time, it felt like I was saying goodbye to an old friend after a long and comfortable stay. I had mixed feelings.

One one hand, I was completely giving up the security blanket of a steady paycheck and a daily routine for the foreseeable future. More importantly, though, deep down it felt like I was giving up on the dreams of my younger self. Giving up on a career I could have had or a life I could have lead. Giving up on myself. But on the other hand, I was opening myself up to live in the moment without any rules, and that felt incredibly freeing. It became clear that I’d been following a path forged by someone else’s expectations – even if they came from some unknown part of myself. I was a good kid. I did well in school and had dreams of grad school, advanced degrees, and a long, successful career. That all just seemed a logical chronology for my life. But thinking about that now just makes me tired and anxious. Man, how much I’ve learned.

I should probably note that I’ve been working on this sort of thing with my therapist for like 5 years now. It didn’t all just smack me on the back of the head one day. It was a long and uncomfortable process allowing myself to be okay with this new vision of my future, but I know it’s what will keep me happy in the long run. And I have to claim that truth in order to keep my sanity.

I will ALWAYS be doing creative work in some capacity, this much I know. But that’s only because it’s in my nature. I enjoy it too much and can’t stop myself from pursuing a creative path. But my biggest want right now is to raise a happy healthy family. And since Eric has been way more supportive of this than I ever could have anticipated, I feel incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to do so. Of course we have to get pregnant first, but hopefully that won’t be too difficult.

Okay, enough psycho-babble. Here are my hopes for my future self. And just for kicks, let’s assume this day is a perfect early fall day; not too warm, not too cold, few clouds and fresh air. Because what’s the point in imagining your ideal day if it doesn’t also have your ideal weather?

Dear Future Me (in 2017),

These are my hopes for an average day in your life.

You and Eric are jostled awake ridiculously early by one or maybe two little ones climbing into the bed. Hopefully you’re used to it by now, though, so it’s not so much of a shock.

As you make your way to the (full-sized) kitchen in your newly purchased home, you savor the smell of freshly brewed coffee. The morning sun pours through the giant picture windows, drenching your family in a bright new day. You probably have at least one kid in your arms, and possibly one at your feet, but you pause briefly to take it all in.

You let the kids run off a little energy in your giant backyard while you sip your coffee on the deck. The trees sway ever so slightly in the breeze and the air smells crisp and clean. You can’t stay there forever, though, so you get everyone inside, make breakfast and send Eric off to work.

After breakfast, you corral the kids and take the dogs for a walk around the neighborhood. You’re careful to spot any new critters along the way, especially that mischievous white squirrel who’s been hanging around.

When you return, you hang with the kids until you have to grab their lunches (which you conveniently remembered to pack the night before) and drive them to daycare.

After dropping them off, you run any errands you’ve been putting off and head back to your studio. Of course your studio is located above the garage and comes fully equipped with skylights, a kitchenette, a bathroom and a slop sink. You work on various projects and manage Kinderling orders until you have to pick the kids up from daycare.

You try your best to get everyone involved in the dinner-making process. This probably doesn’t go as planned, but that’s ok because by now you’re really good at letting things go and living in the moment. Eric gets home from work to the smells of whatever you’ve managed to get on the stove, plus (probably) screaming kids. He takes over from here until dinner is served.

Dinner goes surprisingly well with almost no misbehavior and everyone feeling full and satisfied. Plus everyone LOVES your cooking.

After dinner, the whole family sits down to play some games until it’s time to read a story and put the kids down. This is, of course, really easy.

When the kids are down, you and Eric relax with a glass of wine, discuss your days and enjoy the DVR for a couple hours before falling asleep.

Tomorrow you will do it all again.